WITHIN POETRY, THERE IS DELIRIUM! HEED THESE WARNINGS!

hello welcome to my poem compilation!!

some of these might be triggering so here's a heads up. enjoy my literature to the fullest

BIG WARNING MOST OF THESE ARE SUPER OLD

please note that i have only picked up this hobby very recently. do not make fun of me :(

hopelessly waiting

nestled within a deep pit of medical uncertainty

each day the vast crevice between two lachrymose lovers grows endlessly farther

4 epochs spent by 40000 tears, years of contemplating an amort body once lively

eyelids of your elyisan heart bound to a bed, impalpable mind eternally shut

the countless puerile bellylaughs we both shared, our palms against one another

all was lost, as well as your dulcet light, the time morphing me back to plasticine

if i must, i will bid adieu to your amorous embrace, the quintessence of my purpose

if the line between us ceases to beep, if your frail veins fail to flow

my final vow, my last pledge to your terminal exhale will shine through eons and eons

a promise not even millenias could break, our aphonic passion impervious to destiny itself

one day, we will reunite! beyond the rule of this merciless existence

and our boundless adoration shall sprout into a beautiful red flower.

02/24/2024

limbo

vacant and aphonic, eyes stewing with twinkling reverie

inside the subconscious of a shell, trapped within layers of memory

the lone poppy flower, stagnant yet an impassionate mind inside

dissolution, life and death, quintessence as a tempestuous tide

unknown

cogs internal sleep

lover forever asleep

above her reality so steep

of earth i will weep

a portrait that pursues

eternally blue are its hues

distorted words to the muse

disconsolate i lay

alone in my decay

recollections i replay

the clock of life that ticks

death it predicts

through my fingers the time slips

unknown

In My Eyes

again and again and again and again

it bounces around in my cerebral vein

the membrane filled with ballads, memories of our concord

when i wallowed, you'd be my monochord,

to my clumsy melody, you'd lull me

a song rearranged, the symphony to our naive glee

"do it again! do it again!" we'd lilt together,

hand in hand, our joie de vivre was forever

to think that such a jocund smile, my panacea,

would collapse, spiritless and in constant apnoea

never moving, never talking, laying still

in blank, clean cushion, all i could do was shrill

again and again and again and again

that melliflious voice, it frazzles my desultory brain

those effervescent eyes, dull in endless limbo

dead or alive? like existence's half open window

to eternal philosophical questions, often absurd

humanity's jabberwocky, it ends up blurred

"do it again! do it again!" i'd lilt alone,

no response, i was pushing a swing you own

a swing you owned, one that represented us and our union

does it matter if what i see is real? a delusion?

even if you don't have eyes, even if your words are full of lies,

to hold someone warm, the color of skies

i can't say my goodbyes

03/14/2024

my willow tree

in a colourless and clean world, that some might call a hospital,

i stood, frail, pale as gossamer, wrists thin without grapple,

i held and coddled each piece of fabric, my mother, my pillow,

as my body slowly failed, nailed to a mattress. i stared out at the williow

the window, it was clear out today.

to know death was so tied to my kilo, i saw it as truth

my life was yet to bloom, as well as my youth.

i remembered days where i could run, laugh, draw,

i remembered when my body didn't gnaw,

its bones and its flesh, and i wasn't staring out at the williow

the window, it was clear out today.

i remembered when i wasn't bound to a wheelchair,

when i wasn't reminiscing on what we shared,

my mother, my parent, my calm as i stared out at the williow

the window, it was clear out today.

i remembered when i didn't feel emetic pain every day, in every way,

when my thoughts weren't segmented, nonsensical, an array

of a chronically sick mind and body, one where i wasn't in a folly

when i didn't stare at that willow tree, that nobody,

that window, that blockade to joy, that blockade to freedom,

i contemplated a way out, this was truly my extremum,

that willow tree; it'd allow me to flee, a wooden key.

it stood like me. it looks like me, roots in the ground, not free

i wanted to connect with it, to slip between the cracks and run away,

even if the sky was gray, i'd do anything just to feel my hair sway,

in the wind, that natural wind, the earth's wind,

i needed to fall off, but i was pinned

i wanted to fall off, but i was skinned

03/18/2024

cake and music

a relationship once full of harmony, tranquility and honey,

two altruistic girls, at the hands of a fierce taciturn force,

aphonic tenderness, a mix between saccharose and melodias upon melodias,

this bouquet of passion that erupted into songs of sweets and love seeming unending

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each day was spent sunny, each day was spent without ignomy,

yet, this girl, as sweet as she could be; wouldn't partake in waltz,

not even jazz, she'd impose new rules in a daz,

on her poor citizens, growing cruel and demented; her malice impending

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the girl who once danced with the other, a bystander to her lover,

the tide within her, it wasn't changed for the better; the tempestuous sea grew darker

as days, years, eternities continued, repeated, looped and connected,

they became ying and yang; both queens, one of evil and one of good

cake and music, love and hate, creation and destruction, hope and despair.

------------------------------------------------------------

bloodshed amused her to no ends, massacres, carnage, complete annahilation and murder,

she deliriously laughed, though not by choice, tangled in strings that wouldn't allow her departure

a laugh beyond reason, promised love and safety; promised to be perfected

beautiful friendship led astray by vows from a kindhearted sect, a kindhearted light which she was lured

this light assured to turn her domain to an empire, an empire to a universe, a light that feigned care

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a paperdoll led to believe that good was corrupt, music meant to coerce her

nothing but a charmer, pretending to love her; likewise to harm her

she would make something beautiful, something sublime; she would be loved, respected,

finally her own person, no longer would she let herself be obscured

impose all her love on her people, impose the light to all and repair

04/24/2024

the next set of poems are much older. forgive me!

telephone game

i will call, i promised

amber, it preserved your beauty

painful glares, your grasp twists what you desired

i looked up, battered and amorous

i will call, i promised

impassioned by the pain, your glowing claws

i felt sick, you were fierce

acute sharpness while i coddled, be that as it may

i will call, i promised

so cold, i cried!

an unsteady hand picked at the device

i welcomed, the line connected our hearts

yours callous, mine tender

my love, i called

your voice draggy, my tone warm

and every morning, every afternoon, every night

i would twirl and titter over every utterance

because it was the only time

in a life full of misfortune

that i felt complete

12/26/2023

a dream

that night, on an empty tapestry, cold as winter,

i saw you, but it wasn't the you i was used to

you weren't glaring at me, your smile wasn't bitter,

we were standing, facing one another, and it felt as if my heart was anew,

the pale yellow that coated the ground, the calm waters, that big river,

that linked to oceans, to the earth, just as i was linked to you

made me simmer with joy, as i took in a breath, your expression one of glimmer

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i walked forward, my heart full, blithely upon seeing you so alive,

as blue tinted tears brushed upon the endless beads of light, i opened my arms,

but you stepped back, as if i was denied,

i went still at your expression, one of disgust, as i reached for your palms,

once i stepped forward, you stepped back, like the tide,

a neverending dance of craving, but never recieving, stabbing shards,

i desperately needed that guide, that affection you provide,

stabbing into my arms, stabbing into my palms,

we stepped into the frigid sea, artistic red seeping from my mind,

from my arms, seeping from my palms

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each stride, each approach made an ariose melody, the melody we made combined,

it reminded me of when we played the piano, like touching upon stars,

all that love, that boundless affection, made into a motif, the universe aligned,

but each time you stepped back, the sound of dissonance and sobs,

echoed through the murky sky, wind beginning to rise as my trail chimed,

your hospital gown tattered, blown around by the breeze, my growing qualms,

rising off the ground was your feet, seeming to float while you smiled

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my heart palpitated in awe, yet fear, as i clung to your dress,

i clawed and climbed, heaving in sudden panic, arms wrapped around your waist,

you flew up into the damp clouds, spinning as i held on, the sky now fluoresce,

motion sickness was whirling in my brain, my grip growing weaker as my hands ached,

i yelled out your name, i let out a shriek of distress,

i began falling backwards towards the fresh ocean, recieving a look of hate,

piercing through my very being, the water all encompassing nethertheless

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the cold of the sea engulfed me, as i sunk into the frigid, wet mass of despair,

i refused to give up, restlessly rising back up, gasping and shaky,

my head snapped up into the sky, eyes growing wide, my heart in disrepair,

you stared back, your body burst into a million petals; i felt hazy,

a beautiful red poppy flower, blooming, flourishing in the sky, it just wasn't fair,

this imbrued scene of my only lover, breaking into a cluster of vines, you that i loved so dearly,

all my affection, all the work i had poured in her, all the praying i did to repair,

your shrill essence, that was no longer beating, carried through the wind grimly

in the form of a petal, the large poppy flower decaying, beginning to tear,

all the purpose i had from our hands intertwining, decomposing limply,

i let myself plunge, deep, deeply, closing my eyes and helplessly exhaling air

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i was blown back to my reality, my eyelids quickly patulous

this clean, empty cushion, the one that had lost your smell

the you i was used to gave me a hindering smile, one that wasn't amorous,

yet i was drawn closer, even if you were a shell,

of someone i knew, someone so generous

but in truth, i wished you were well

i wished i saw you walk again, angiogenesis

i wished i didn't see you connected to tubes, iatrogenesis

i missed the noa who smiled and laughed when i told her jokes, instead of pathosis,

i missed the noa that didn't mock me, carcinogenesis

i craved hearing your voice rather than a recording on my phone, dialysis

i craved feeling your touch rather than a delusion, necrolysis

04/02/2024

sadly this website's font doesn't support french... ignore the obvious grammar issues due to this

scarabee

scarabee, scarabee

quel-est cette lumiere dans le ciel?

vient-elle de moi? vient-elle de toi?

que tu est coquette... elegante et raffinee.

ta carapace rondelet, mais eclatante, petillante sous le soleil eblouissant.

scarabee, scarabee

aime-tu les fleurs?

suis-je a ta hauteur, rongeur d'ecorce?

cette lumiere... elle vient de toi, n'est-ce-pas?

mes petales, les trouve-tu jolies?

j'aimerai etre comme toi.

rire comme toi, sourire comme toi...

j'aimerai etre comme vous.

... ou peut-etre pas.

unknown date

would you like to go back?